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Emptied the fridge and freezer (finally), unwrapped nearly a whole package of cheese slices and set them out for the neighbor cats. Dragged all that fridge junk to the curb. Discovered a dead possum in the basement (I'm sure it's the one that pestered BC all summer) and buried the possum. Ugh!
Packed up my best dishes into a wicker laundry hamper to bring to the condo from the house, discovered not only Halloween fabric, but a pattern for scrubs I can use for it! Yay, I will have a Halloween shirt this year. :)
Emptied the buffet, cleared the top of years of dusty old vid tapes, papers, ect., packed a bag full of various craft items, including a stapler and two organizers filled with cross stitch yarn and a brand new box of pins I wasn't even aware of purchasing and cleaned off one of my clay jack-o-lanterns to bring to the condo, even though there's no possibility of trick or treaters.
Brought the bag-o-crafty junk home and set out again. This time for food and black food dye paste (which I didn't find, but Betty Crocker has tubes of black frosting.) I was also looking for interfacing, which I didn't buy, so I got brik brak for the scrub top I'm going to make (I know, my logic staggers.)
I have 3 things to do; start dinner, make the top and make Halloween cookies. I've been nothing but busy today and you know what? I feel really good (although my ankles are pissed at me for all the walking with heavy items.) The past several days off (that I had sans Mark) were mostly laze around days which left me feeling exhausted and dull. Isn't it funny that I'm in such a much better mood after doing a series of chores (although I could have done without the dead possum), than on a day in which all I had to do was make myself lunch?
I came across an interesting find when I was cleaning off the buffet. It was my old church binder that I kept my notes in. I'd thrown away every scrap of bible study from that church, but left behind the notes I'd scribbled down when I was in the process of leaving it. It was fascinating to watch the transformation from confused to a return to self reliance. And there was a quote from a church member that should have made me run screaming for the exits. I'm boggling here that I didn't, truly, in fact I would have told the woman to fuck herself.
What she said to me, was; "let the dead bury the dead". She told me this on the day I lost my grandfather. I have one clear memory of that day and that is sinking down next to my bed, sobbing my eyes out. I have none at all of these people, who were supposed to be so important to me, giving me any comfort. In fact, in the entry I wrote that they'd deserted me.
What the hell kind of church deserts a person during a traumatic period like that? There's more that I'd written. Stuff about guilt trips over the lack of significant tithing. Being required to confess my sins to my discipler, being told to submit to my husband (oh brother, they even wanted to pry into my sex life!) but to conceal from him things the church wanted me to conceal. Being encouraged to drop any friends who weren't church related and requiring me to visit and spend time with St Louis Church of Christ memebers when I was there to visit with family.
Sounds like a cult, don't you think?
As a result of my time in that place I don't go to any church regularly. I don't trust them. I have my own belief system and that's enough for me. And if I want to experience fellowship, I can go see Mom and attend a service in her church. A place that doesn't do any of the things I just described.
I feel very contemplative and grateful for the things I have in my life right now. I think I needed that little peek into the past, to see a time in which I was allowing others to do my thinking, even while I thought I was growing closer to God. *facepalm* I will never put myself into that position again. If I seem like a wary person to the folks who know me, well, I just described a very big reason why.
Packed up my best dishes into a wicker laundry hamper to bring to the condo from the house, discovered not only Halloween fabric, but a pattern for scrubs I can use for it! Yay, I will have a Halloween shirt this year. :)
Emptied the buffet, cleared the top of years of dusty old vid tapes, papers, ect., packed a bag full of various craft items, including a stapler and two organizers filled with cross stitch yarn and a brand new box of pins I wasn't even aware of purchasing and cleaned off one of my clay jack-o-lanterns to bring to the condo, even though there's no possibility of trick or treaters.
Brought the bag-o-crafty junk home and set out again. This time for food and black food dye paste (which I didn't find, but Betty Crocker has tubes of black frosting.) I was also looking for interfacing, which I didn't buy, so I got brik brak for the scrub top I'm going to make (I know, my logic staggers.)
I have 3 things to do; start dinner, make the top and make Halloween cookies. I've been nothing but busy today and you know what? I feel really good (although my ankles are pissed at me for all the walking with heavy items.) The past several days off (that I had sans Mark) were mostly laze around days which left me feeling exhausted and dull. Isn't it funny that I'm in such a much better mood after doing a series of chores (although I could have done without the dead possum), than on a day in which all I had to do was make myself lunch?
I came across an interesting find when I was cleaning off the buffet. It was my old church binder that I kept my notes in. I'd thrown away every scrap of bible study from that church, but left behind the notes I'd scribbled down when I was in the process of leaving it. It was fascinating to watch the transformation from confused to a return to self reliance. And there was a quote from a church member that should have made me run screaming for the exits. I'm boggling here that I didn't, truly, in fact I would have told the woman to fuck herself.
What she said to me, was; "let the dead bury the dead". She told me this on the day I lost my grandfather. I have one clear memory of that day and that is sinking down next to my bed, sobbing my eyes out. I have none at all of these people, who were supposed to be so important to me, giving me any comfort. In fact, in the entry I wrote that they'd deserted me.
What the hell kind of church deserts a person during a traumatic period like that? There's more that I'd written. Stuff about guilt trips over the lack of significant tithing. Being required to confess my sins to my discipler, being told to submit to my husband (oh brother, they even wanted to pry into my sex life!) but to conceal from him things the church wanted me to conceal. Being encouraged to drop any friends who weren't church related and requiring me to visit and spend time with St Louis Church of Christ memebers when I was there to visit with family.
Sounds like a cult, don't you think?
As a result of my time in that place I don't go to any church regularly. I don't trust them. I have my own belief system and that's enough for me. And if I want to experience fellowship, I can go see Mom and attend a service in her church. A place that doesn't do any of the things I just described.
I feel very contemplative and grateful for the things I have in my life right now. I think I needed that little peek into the past, to see a time in which I was allowing others to do my thinking, even while I thought I was growing closer to God. *facepalm* I will never put myself into that position again. If I seem like a wary person to the folks who know me, well, I just described a very big reason why.
